Since I'm back to buying equipment simply because it is the right color, that means I'm "back" right? That I'm really serious about doing this again right?
All I know is that I've never left Robie not on horse back and it KILLED me to do so yesterday.
I'm so jealous of the riders going down the trail this weekend. I so want to be there so very badly I can taste it and I've avoided looking into the mirror since I'm pretty sure I've turned an ugly shade of green.
In some ways I feel like I'm being ungrateful for my opportunities at Tevis, and I'm being unfair to many many people in this sport that would LOVE to do Tevis, that can't for various reasons, some of whom show up at Tevis year after year to crew for their friends, or cheer along the side lines just for the sake of BEING there.
In fact, this entire week I avoided looking at the fattening moon. Hard to do while driving a van 8 hours a day and night with that big old windshield. I avoided the endurance email lists. I avoided my friends' blogs where they would be chattering about Tevis. However, being on the road for 10-12 hours a day gives you lots and lots and lots of time to think, and feel.
But feelings are feelings and it does no good to label them good and bad (or so I've been told) and if I can't be honest here, on my blog, with you my Dear Reader, where can I be truly honest?
At this very moment, none of previous rides, my previous buckle, or my mileage accomplishments mean crap. I just want to be out there, on that trail.
Yes, I got into this sport to ride Tevis. But once I got here, I found I loved 100's, and decided that Tevis was just another 100. I got an inkling of how special Tevis was after my first attempt, but it wasn't until after my second Tevis that it really hit me in the gut and heart in a way that completely transcends reason.
All day, every single minute since I woke up at 4a (I would be waking up for Tevis right now....), ate lunch (I would be coming into Robinson right now....), unloaded poopy lettuce at Davis (I would be passing through the canyons right now), or finishing up dinner on my way back to Salinas (I would be in the middle of the California loop right now), I have been thinking about Tevis. In a way, this is much much worse than before I had rode, when I only had imagination and vague notions about how it would be. Now I can close my eyes and literally feel the sweaty shoulders of Farley, how she smelled as we trotted out from Foresthill, how she looked as I sponged her off at Devil's thumb....
I have tons and tons and tons to blog about, some of which was scheduled to go up today, including my concrete plan to resume endurance on Farley with an LD next month. But please forgive me as I leave this day to Tevis and those riders out there right now, and my future self riding it some day soon.
Yes, I am currently in a hotel room, but not with Tess and not in this particular room. Although I'm pretty sure having my suprisingly grown up, incredibly sweet, talented, dog with me would help me sleep. Or at least, she snuggles in bed a lot better than Farley!
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Mel I feel the same way about shows! I am gratefull I got to go, but the desire to do more now burns brighter since I have had a taste.
ReplyDeleteAll your reminiscing makes ME want to be at Tevis, though not on a horse of course!
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