Most of it is short term, let-me-get-through-these-2-weeks type stress. Scheduling my externships is not going as well as I want, and I REALLY want to get out of the teaching hospital for the entire 12 weeks that I can use for externships, and right now, I only have 2 weeks for sure. Everything for 4th year schedule (rotations and externship dates/places) needs to be entered into the "system" by Oct 25 which is NOT that far away.
Had some unfortunate (definitely "first world" problems) issues this week - being late for a class this morning because of traffic that I should have anticipated, my computer charger completely dying last night - along with the charge on my computer battery, test on Friday I feel unprepared for, surgery on Monday that I feel unprepared for. Tons of household and animal chores that are demanding my time and preventing me from doing my "self care" activities, stress from a new leadership position in a community organization, and a client who I canNOT get to pay me for a pair of boots I sent her (the days of sending boots off without getting payment first may be over.......) with multiple payment reminders, oil change over due, smog that needs to be done by the end of the month, a deadline at work that is "soft" so of course I've delayed completing that REALLY NEEDS TO GET DONE......you know, all the little issues that pile up on the "list" that aren't that bad by themselves....but are completely overwhelming when taken together :).
I think the low of yesterday was opening an email titled "your student loan snapshot" and seeing that I have slightly under $120K worth of debt....and I still have at least 4 more disbursements to go (out of a total of 9 for the 4 years).
Went for a ride yesterday (10 miles of glorious trail that we did at whatever speed felt right, including both 4 beat gaits) and felt better and going to fit a run in this evening even if it kills me (because not running might!) and somehow find a way to do the really really really really important stuff on my list of really really important stuff before I suffer the consequences.
This really is a b*tchy, whiney post that serves no one but me, but at least I don't have to look at my blog in dismay and realize it's been too long since I posted. So, I'll share with you a poem I heard on the radio (NPR), that is on my list to put into a post because I think it's so true and reminded me of why I blog both the good and the bad. (and as a bonus, I can mark this post topic off my list!).
Here's an excerpt from Garrison Keillor's "Address to the Harvard Chapter of Phi Beta Kappa, Sanders Theatre, June 2008":
O brave young achievers, you have now achieved the pinnacle
And forgive me if it sounds cynical
But as we gather to celebrate ya and hail ya
It is time for you to think about the benefits of failya.
Failure is essential, a form of mortality.
Without failure, we have a poor sense of reality.
It is all well and good to strive for glory,
But today's grievous mistake is tomorrow's humorous story.
And one should not be a person whose memoirs consist
Of notes from the classes you never missed.
Two days of heavy rains, flash flood warnings
9 hours ago