SO STRESSED.
Most of it is short term, let-me-get-through-these-2-weeks type stress. Scheduling my externships is not going as well as I want, and I REALLY want to get out of the teaching hospital for the entire 12 weeks that I can use for externships, and right now, I only have 2 weeks for sure. Everything for 4th year schedule (rotations and externship dates/places) needs to be entered into the "system" by Oct 25 which is NOT that far away.
Had some unfortunate (definitely "first world" problems) issues this week - being late for a class this morning because of traffic that I should have anticipated, my computer charger completely dying last night - along with the charge on my computer battery, test on Friday I feel unprepared for, surgery on Monday that I feel unprepared for. Tons of household and animal chores that are demanding my time and preventing me from doing my "self care" activities, stress from a new leadership position in a community organization, and a client who I canNOT get to pay me for a pair of boots I sent her (the days of sending boots off without getting payment first may be over.......) with multiple payment reminders, oil change over due, smog that needs to be done by the end of the month, a deadline at work that is "soft" so of course I've delayed completing that REALLY NEEDS TO GET DONE......you know, all the little issues that pile up on the "list" that aren't that bad by themselves....but are completely overwhelming when taken together :).
I think the low of yesterday was opening an email titled "your student loan snapshot" and seeing that I have slightly under $120K worth of debt....and I still have at least 4 more disbursements to go (out of a total of 9 for the 4 years).
Went for a ride yesterday (10 miles of glorious trail that we did at whatever speed felt right, including both 4 beat gaits) and felt better and going to fit a run in this evening even if it kills me (because not running might!) and somehow find a way to do the really really really really important stuff on my list of really really important stuff before I suffer the consequences.
This really is a b*tchy, whiney post that serves no one but me, but at least I don't have to look at my blog in dismay and realize it's been too long since I posted. So, I'll share with you a poem I heard on the radio (NPR), that is on my list to put into a post because I think it's so true and reminded me of why I blog both the good and the bad. (and as a bonus, I can mark this post topic off my list!).
Here's an excerpt from Garrison Keillor's "Address to the Harvard Chapter of Phi Beta Kappa, Sanders Theatre, June 2008":
O brave young achievers, you have now achieved the pinnacle
And forgive me if it sounds cynical
But as we gather to celebrate ya and hail ya
It is time for you to think about the benefits of failya.
Failure is essential, a form of mortality.
Without failure, we have a poor sense of reality.
It is all well and good to strive for glory,
But today's grievous mistake is tomorrow's humorous story.
And one should not be a person whose memoirs consist
Of notes from the classes you never missed.
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Yeah, there's nothing more depressing than a student loan snapshot. It's gonna be worth it, you're gonna be an awesome vet.
ReplyDeleteWhat other four-beat gait does Farley have?!
Ummm..gallop?
Deleteoh RIGHT
Delete(says the turtle)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I don't know why this exchange was so funny. Hysteria?
DeleteI just couldn't think of anything other than a walk and a rack that's four beat! What kind of crazy person lets her horse gallop?!~
DeleteAnd what even crazier person LETS their horse gallop when it wants to and then (shocker) lets it take a walk break when it wants to. Doesn't that just breed bad behavior? :). (actually I'm pretty sure it's the only form of interval training I'm brave enough for - I figure my horse is smarter than I am)
Delete(disclaimer......no I don't just let my horse gallop all over the place. On the homestretch for example we practice a very errrr...ENGAGED, forward and extended canter :).
DeleteStudent loans suck, and that's about all I have to say about it. I'm still paying mine off from undergrad, which was probably 15 years ago (apparently, I didn't do well in math...)
ReplyDeleteAnd I had the same confusion Funder did about your 4-beat gaits:) I was thinking, "I didn't realize Mel had a gaited horse." Wow. Maybe I have no business being responsible for a horse if I can't even remember that a gallop is 4 beats!
I love the poem - it reminds me of this quote I saw on someone's yard sign the other day (apparently that is what people do when they live in the middle of nowhere VA). It said something like, "We pass failure on the way to success."
I hope you can hang in there - it sounds like your life is crazy right now, but at least you can still ride!:)
Oh Gail! I forgot to tell you on your other comment. Can you believe that the garage IS a 2 car single door garage and my truck doesn't fit by 1/2". I'm little brushing up against the sheet rock on my front bumper and because my backbumper curves slightly out in teh middle, the garage door won't go down. LOL. makes me want to take a hammer to it. (on another note - it would relieve stress!). After all, since CA has decreed I have to have it smogged at 5 years old it's officially "old" and therefore dents are totally acceptable right?
Deleteand thank goodness for that promise to myself I wouldn't do college again without a horse. That and running is the only thing that keeps me sane. Or at least not descending into pure panic attacks like I did at the end of undergrad. (which I did much better on the "loan" end at undergrad. sigh.)
DeleteI hate student loans. What kills me is that I got my original degree without incurring loans...but the loan was for the certification/schooling that I quit before finishing. Irony.
ReplyDeleteOK, I don't know what smogged means - in northern VA, we have to get emissions inspections, but I've never heard the term before. I'm sort of picturing you pulling your truck into some sort of sealed garage while a bunch of nasty fumes are pumped into it:)
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't believe your truck is too long for the garage. That's crazy! You know what? I say pound that bumper in:)
I think smogging is the same as an emissions inspection - starts in this state when a vehicle is 5 years old. :( Matt would never go for an actual hammer. I may have to *accidentally* hit something "Funder style".
ReplyDeleteThose concrete things in parking lots work GREAT. Not that I'd recommend such a thing.
DeleteSmogging is emissions, yes. Ugh, I have to get smogged again next year? Getting the truck registered in CA was a huge nightmare and I was so thrilled when they sent me something that said "no smog required" this year.
I'm surprised you only have to start doing the inspections at 5 years plus in CA. I always imagined that it would be a yearly thing just because CA always seems very concerned about pollution. In northern VA(but not the rest of VA), we have to do a safety inspection every year AND get an emissions inspection every other year. It's a nightmare. Plus the trailer has to be inspected every year. Combined with oil changes and other maintenance, I feel like I spend all my time in car repair shops. And every repair on a truck seems to cost 3 times what it would cost on a car...
ReplyDelete