A little OCD (if there's such a thing!)

Heads up - I probably won't be posting this week (although everytime I say that I end up posting all sorts of good stuff). My week is absolutely jammed packed full - including a birthday backpacking trip this weekend - and I'm feeling the need to take some personal time after the hustle and bustle of the holidays.

In the meantime, head on over to Tamera's blog and read this.

I felt like I was reading my own words as I read this post today. One of my personal 2010 resolutions was to stop relying so much on my lists and LIVE life. This goal continues into 2011. It's amazing how, once I make a personal resolution I have opportunity to "practice" it. 2010 offered many opportunities to go crazy and retreat into my lists - and I refused to do it - and lived life better because of it.

I have to remind myself constantly to look up from my obsessing and to enjoy life - and my readers help me! It's impossible to obsess when I have you guys standing around me ready to give my support when I need it - but also telling me when it's time to knock it off and get on in life.

I try to keep my non-horse life to a minimum in the blog, but there are a couple of things in the forefront of my mind that make this post especially relevant - as it would be extremely easy to let the obsessing of these things to get in the way of fully enjoying this period of my life. Here's what's doing the "continuous" loop thing in my mind (and hopefully what getting away for a couple of days in the backcountry will fix).

• Will I get into vet school? What if I don't? What will I do?
• When I quit my job in the spring (and I will regardless of vet school status), what will I do? How will I pay? Am I going to run out of money? When do I start packing? where am I going to put my stuff? Should I quit my lessons in March after I know about vet school? Or continue on a part time basis? Or continue lessons as long as possible knowing this is my last chance for awhile?
• How am I going to fulfill all the obligations to everyone that I've made? Who do I say no to this summer because I've overcommitted myself? My weekends are already committed through the end of February!
• It's exciting when a romantic relationship goes through a period of growth, but also scary. Am I making the right decisions? Why can't I seem to get my act together?
• I am NOT enjoying my horse time right now. Would time off make it better or worse? Do I need time off, or am I just frusterated because Farley is in knee deep icky mud that makes everything IMPOSSIBLE?

Tomorrow I turn 26, which also happens to be my favorite number. I'm very optimistic about the year - but anytime change is so prevaleant, it's also very scary. And when it's scary, I tend to retreat into the safety of my lists and not LIVE LIFE for right now. I'm doing everything this year that they say NOT to do at one time - moving, career change, and relationship change. It's time and I'm looking forward to it - but it's not going to be easy. Blogging forces me to be honest about life and my perspective. Life usually goes better when I'm honest and direct, even if it's not the easiest path.

So in the spirit of being honest and direct - that crap in the beginning of the post about giving myself time off because of the "hustle and bustle" of the holidays? Complete crap. I really need a week off to contemplate the upcoming year and the changes it will bring.

So, here I am taking a deep breath and giving myself some quiet time before diving into 2011.

As always - thanks for listening, thanks for the advice, and thanks for the continued support.