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Monday, October 10, 2011

Dear Mel

Dear human who buys my hay,

Did you know that it is raining? Right now.  And you seem to have forgotten something.  Like a blanket, or a shelter, or a nice covered barn.  Do you really expect me to use my copious amounts of fat and a few pitiful trees to shelter me from the ferocious California winter?  Effective immediately you will feed me alfalfa when it is raining.  I have plans for this fat and it does NOT involve shivering it off because you don't care.  I'll need it when you drag me out in the middle of nowhere in something you call "an endurance ride" where I will have to live off the land and avoid hungry predators. 

Also.  I have another complaint.  Location location location.  I no longer feel safe and demand an immediate relocation back to my barn that came with blanket services and friends.  First was that grassfire, complete with fire trucks and sirens.  I forgot to put on my arab act and just stood there because I was in shock - I had done MY job of created a firebreak in my pasture but obviously the horses in THAT pasture are second rate citizens and didn't bother to PROPERLY prepare for disaster. 

I'm pretty sure the mucous membranes of my lungs are permanently damaged *cough* and should (effectively immediately) be put on permanent retirement with an increase in hay ration. 

This morning was the last straw.  My morning routine consists of naps, galloping before dawn, and then sunning myself in the early morning rays.  Needless to say these self care activities are INTEGRAL for my mental (and physical) well being of a recovering endurance horse (unless you decide to retire me with extra hay? *hint* *hint* *hint*). 

Shortly before dawn, I heard rifle shots.  As you foolishly attempted to do silly cavarly stunts including pistols, I DO KNOW what gunfire sounds like.  So don't tell me I am overacting. 

I immediately sent my minions to access the situation and as near as I can figure, this is what happened.

My neighbor that I shall call "the chicken man", grows weed.  (you didn't think that all those fences and shelters were just for his fighting cock population did you?).  Someone came to steal the weed in big bags they attempted to throw over the fence.  "The chicken man", not content with illegal acts of fighting cocks and growing weed, has decided to add "discharging a fire arm" and "shooting the thief" to the long list of infractions.

Needless to say, the cops, K-9 units, and helicopter hovering around the area are extremely distracting. 

I do believe that I'm feeling ulcers - or anxiety - or PTSD - or Arab-Brain - coming on.  Quick!  You must DO SOMETHING.  I do believe extra hay would head off inevitable diasaster.

Sincerely,

Farley

PS - We can stop focusing on my weight anytime - have you even LOOKED at yourself in the mirror lately?  Don't think I haven't noticed that you aren't wearing your riding tights to come see me.  Teeee hehehehehe. 

9 comments:

  1. Farley's Guide to the Universe:
    More hay is the answer to everything.

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  2. Absolutely. You have no idea. People don't believe me, but the day she stops eating is the day she's dead. She lives to eat.

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  3. I actually think that's her favorite part of endurance - the part where she gets to eat as much as she wants of whatever she wants.

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  4. "A healthy appetite is a virtue in an endurance horse!" ~ Fiddle

    "She forgot to SPOOK?!! What if somebody was there to take pictures and she didn't look bugeyed and beautiful for the camera?" ~Hana

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  5. Local newspaper just published the story and apparently it was weed being grown for medicinal purposes. Right. The weed that current fills the bed of a pickup currently stashed in the barn. Rolls eyes. Newspaper says that purpose of the plants has not been "verified". The shots may have been fired by the theives, which I do believe.

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  6. Farley, it's really quite awful the things you have to put up with in your human. Mine too is refusing to blanket me in these frigid Texas temperatures - the horrors!

    And I completely agree with your assessment - more hay is the answer to EVERYTHING. Unless, of course, there's alfalfa involved. Miracles can happen if there's alfalfa involved.

    - Reddums the Feerless War Pony

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  7. Dear Farley,
    Trade me owners. Please. Mine makes me live in the mountains of Colorado. Though she is pretty free with the hay - good alfalfa stuff, too - the winters here are frigid.

    I'll trade you free-feed hay for above freezing temperatures and no snow.

    Do we have a deal?

    Queen Estes

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  8. Would you like me to blanket Farley for you? It might keep her from making pathetic horse eyes at me whenever I feed her (ha!). We need to get together to catch up and we can talk winter Farley care. We won't even need to include Farley in the discussion since we already know what she is going to say (increase my hay ration, keep the cookies coming, open the silly gate and allow me to attack that apple tree that is. just. out. of. my. reach.)

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  9. I'm coming over tomorrow and it's one of the things I want to talk about. We'll talk about the blanketing - I'm not fond of the idea, so we need to talk specifics. I think I want ot increase her hay ration *a bit* and add a flake of alfalfa when it rains at night to help her out. It's also going to depend on your job situation etc. :) See you tomorrow.

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