Un-Title-able

Hi everyone.

Boy am I glad to see you.

You cannot imagine (or you probably can….endurance really does a wonderful job preparing one for “real” life) what my life has looked like the last couple of days.

Every time the drama of saying goodbye at work becomes too much, I think of Tevis 2010 and how I made it to the START line after nearly being told I couldn’t go by my company the day before.

Every time I feel like completely dosing myself with vicoden to the point of senselessness because my arm is KILLING me at the end of the day (I’m a light weight, so that would mean taking the recommended TWO, instead of just one…) I remember 20MT 2009 and how I managed to ride 35 miles in more agony than I’ve ever experienced to date (and doing it for a coffee mug!).

Every time I feel like throwing in the towel and turning into a vegetable and hiding underneath my desk for the rest of the day, I remember my first 50, and how I trudged on, far beyond 12 hours, with the soles of my boots flapping where they had separated from the upper, and plunging through waist deep water ditches without even really noticing what I was doing.

Every time I feel like I cannot do ONE MORE LITTLE thing over and over and over and over…..I remember American River 2010 when I had 40+ boot failures in 50 miles, but continued to replace them, and I succeeded where before I had failed.

Every time I’m scared because I’m turning my life upside down and doing all sorts of major changes at once, I remember how questioning my shoeing practices and taking a chance led to a radical change in thinking and more success in one season booted than I could imagine in my wildest dreams.

Every time I think that I cannot restart my life again, I remember how my “backup” horse Farley, when given a chance, took me on the ride of my life when I “restarted” after failing dismally with Minx.

Every time I look at my finances and how much $$ I’m going to have to borrow and think, “this can’t possibly work”, I remember how I scrimped and saved every penny to do endurance in that first year out of college – and how much joy and satisfaction that investment has repaid me over the years.

Every time I feel like the most current obstacle to moving forward with my life is insurmountable, I remember the countless times that I had to face the unknown and pick myself up and deal with horse issues, not knowing whether I would be successful – A bowed tendon that was a freak accident, 2 weeks after purchasing my new “dream” horse; a tye up weeks after accomplishing my life long endurance goal; a colic on xmas eve; double bowed tendons that were my fault; a phobia of a horse slipping and falling after an accident on the canal bank; a dismal first season that was humiliating and netted only tears – and later empathy and knowledge.

Sometimes, you write the blog post you need, rather than the one you planned. Such as it was today.

The plan was to write the first 2 paragraphs as they appear in this post, and then move onto how much my arm hurt, how much it sucked to have a migraine the night before moving and not be able to take medication, how tiring and life-draining moving was, and how there are about 40 million things that need to be done this week and time to do approximately 23 of them.

But now, I don’t feel like b*tching about any of it. It’s life. It’s an adventure. And it’s fun. It’s a wild ride, and this weekend included, I’m enjoying every second of it. Are you?