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Friday, June 10, 2011

Time off

I'm not doing so well with my time off.

My (non-horsey) sister said that Farley looks depressed.

I'm itching for a new project to get excited about and I can't tell whether I'm too tired or too rested to blame my inability to do anything.

Farley has had 3 1/2 months off, and I think she stopped enjoying her time off and started looking for a job about 1/2 a month ago. What to do? Technically I could start riding her again, at a walk, around my parents. But the familiar fears and doubt have started to sneak in - there are a ton of loose dogs. And rough, uneven footing. What if she spooks? Or bolts? Or?

Unfortunately, most of my mounts over the years have been more Minxes (spooky, bolty, baulky, toss-the Melinda), and less Farley-like (steady, calm, realible). Thus, give me some time off and my mind reverts. Never mind Farley has never given me a reason not to trust her. Never mind the only time she's difficult is while jumping. Never mind that most of our conditioning rides I have to spend most of my energy "motivating" her to go above a nice walk or jog and actually approach something endurance-like. A fire breathing dragon, she is not.

I feel like it's time to get back on. There's a point where waiting to wanting to do something again is only captured by actually doing it. Three months of pasture time for her and dressage lessons on a schoolmaster for me is enough. It's time to stop making excuses and fall in love with my horse and riding all over again.

Just like any relationship, the love is not gone - it's just gone stale from the lack of time and attention spent on it. Sometimes to recapture it, you have to go through the motions for a while, and then you turn around one day and there it is! The butterflies in the stomach as you pull up the drive to visit your horse. You can't see her yet, but you know any moment....and there she is! And you get to ride today! And that makes it the best afternoon EVER!

So what's the plan?

I take it one day at a time. I'll take a day for myself, and then I'll have a Farley day. Sometimes I think my biggest enemy is having all the time in the world to have everything exactly how I want it - to have every day to myself to get all my projects done and have everything organized exactly how I want it - I'm pretty sure that's going to be the death of me. If that WAS the answer to a happy Melinda, I sure think I would be a happier Melinda right now. Instead, I am a more grumpy Melinda. A more easily irritated Melinda. I need more of something and I think that something is "horse-time".

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