Sunday, March 14, 2010

This is Insane....

It’s been a long day – 12 hours from getting in the truck this morning to unlocking the door and plopping on the recliner to be exact.

I want to share what happened to today, but before I do, I have to get something off my chest….

Today, after reading the e-mails and comments as a result of Friday’s topic, I felt the overwhelming need to apologize for everything- for offending anyone, for disagreeing anyone, for confusing my readers etc. Because deep down I really really really want people to like me! But then I thought – what exactly am I sorry about?

I know I did SOMETHING wrong because I feel guilty about SOMETHING. The fact that I feel like deleting posts – something that I promise I WON’T do, as I truly believe blogs should stand in the moment in time when they are written, as they are part of the evolving story – seals the deal….an apology is in order….but for what? What did I do wrong?

After some thought, I realized that what I am actually sorry about, is how my reaction may inhibit people from posting honest and forthright comments in the future. For this I sincerely apologize. This really concerns me because I want honesty and I want people to feel like this is a safe place to share thoughts without being minimized or made to feel bad.

Criticism is always hard to take. Especially as an A-type, overachieving personality. I’m working on it. Lately it seems like God has seen fit to make me work on it a LOT (which is why I’m so grumpy about work right now). I’ll admit the comments on my “Broke Horse” posts took me by total surprise – I was NOT expecting my flippant “back to work” comment (which I should have explained, or even better – left out) to generate that kind of response and reacted rather than thought.

Bad Melinda.

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time as I’m looking for a Tevis sponsor and if they check out my blog this week they are going to see a hot-headed, volatile person – rather than the thoughtful, passionate person I strive to be. But I’m sticking with my principles – I don’t delete posts or (non-spam) comments. Period. No exceptions (unless it’s going to get me sued…..in which case I may have to bend my pesky principles).

One good thing to come of these posts is the dialogue between experienced and relatively new endurance riders concerning the conditioning of an endurance horse, keeping it fit without over riding it etc. I’m looking forward to the conversation evolving both here on this blog in the comments (see previous posts) and on Endurance Granny’s blog.

OK – my sniveling and whiney went on longer than expected so I’m going to continue my story of today’s adventures in Part 2.

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